I felt like a kid asking for an ice cream everyday. I played innocent, excited and young. I never thought it would go wrong. I never thought I was building a cannon that will eventually push me back and let me feel the very pain. It was stupid and reckless. I felt cheated but I wasnt. In every way it was wrong but it felt right. For a short moment I was there with you and I know Im almost going to make it. I got my heart pumping synchronized to the rhythm of my hopes. I felt alone once again, back to the point where you found me, like a child anxiously waiting. This is where it ends and all the begginings I hope just wouldnt start.
The little steps are the ones we think matter less. We continue to anticipate the bigger picture despite deceptions and all its blur. We ignore the tiny details from a conversation. We disregard gestures from an individual. We give no significance to others and among ourselves. The skies wont tell you whether the person you have right now is the “one” for you or the opposite. If this person is wrong, if he intends pain or if he means only to consume the best out of you, you may never know. This heart is blind. It cannot bear its own light. You need to be smart but by being smart, careful, you might be invulnerable to the very person your heart needs. A small chance. It only grows frustrating you. The options become; waiting for someone or waiting for yourself to do stupid. Be stupid and be out there, finding desperately. You will end up developing choices out of people and what not. The process of getting to know a person at his fullest seems to be dead. It’s because we think little steps dont count. Time still bears a role in any relationship. Love with strength like that of a finest sword forged by a patient blacksmith. Nobody can know who is right for us, it’s up to us how we build walls, set up our attacks and plan how we move forward.
Religion is a substantial part of humanity. It morphs one’s character and beliefs. From there everything follows. We learn of morals following the set of standards that religion has set for us. We believe in certain icons. Our belief system gets questioned by ourselves and others. It’s an invisible gridline for every decisions that requires verdict from good and bad. This is religion’s role basically and it clearly has no intention to control. It was made by human in an effort to believe in a higher form of being, the almighty God that judges our actions and perhaps set a course of multipossible options for everyone based on the first step we make.
Karma is a belief from Hinduism in which good invites good. Blessing is a belief from Catholics that good gives back good. Nirvana is a belief from Buddhism that goodness leads to a place of epic goodness or whatever. No matter what religion you believe, everyone speaks of order and peace because it is like I mentioned its primary role; become a gridline to make right decisions.
I had a professor back then that opened up a theory that the religion Catholicsm was used by the medieval men to promote order and at the same time control the colonized areas. There was a time when donations to the church became mandatory (as ironic as it sounds), oblige people to attend crusades and religious practices of such. This came from a country in which as far as my comprehension can say is also infamous for murder.
It led me thinking that somehow Catholicsm isnt far from any other religion. It was created from someone who had a clear sense of judgement and had access to the Almighty Being above, this story is applicable to most belief system existing. As so to speak, what if it were created from a group of people wanting to create another society or control them. I remember Nero and Caligula, devious and merciless. Used own beliefs to slay citizens who follow Christianity as a practice. This fact triggered people’s fear to believe but such individual didnt really affect mass populace, catholicsm spreads even with such occurence in the said country. Why? Believing doesnt hurt anyone in the process. People hurt people but not religion. It’s only natural for people to fear the unknown or any threat to their life. Your beliefs might stop from there but it doesnt change you in total because you were already morphed by your own standards and rules.
Jumping forth centuries from medieval back to us, hasnt religion changed through the course of time? Conspiracy theories arising from left to right and some of us remain loyal to traditions. I myself believe in God even though I dont see Him or felt an omnipotent message of some sort. Justice doesnt necessarily comes from believing in icons or Gods, they came from society. Sometimes we somehow offer the right actions for the higher being, are we not? We believe in Karma, Blessings or Nirvana. We want to feel fulfilled as if we followed the right algorithm programmed by religion and on top of that the next result it shall produce matters. In science we simply explain this as the law of interaction and supported by Probability and Statistics.
The huge difference between believing science and religion is that the latter one gives you that sense of fulfillment, an accomplishment. The other only allows you to add data, increasing percentage or proving theorems. So what has this made me realize? Religion like the basic cognitive feelings (love, trust, hate) are activities inside us that we dont see but we believe in it. We feel it. We can control it. Im not here to fight that government and religion should be separate because we’ve read far too much on that. Im just saying that if both are created by people, both an invention, then they should be used by our beliefs to create a barrier against misunderstanding, wrath or any disarrangements.
Walking alone and thinking of stuff. Wondering whether somebody wonders the same as you. Thinking far away. Lightyears away. Hoping that someone can hear your thoughts right now. As comedic as it sounds, sometimes I put so much efforts in my thoughts. Cinematic phase of here and there. Switching in and out there in the horizon to someone I dont know, a silhouette of a person talking, continuing my imagination.
The city. The skyline. The people. They all move in coordination trying to achieve one thing. This very unreachable thing is a reason for one to fight for their existence. We all have individual needs, dreams and favors but they all strive to achieve harmony. Harmony among others, oneself and the world.
That kind of sound like a hero’s speech but harmony here is selfish. What you want will always have a contradiction among others. You battle these contrasts with hopes of approval. As long as “individuality” exists we can’t have synchronized opinions towards things. We will constantly debate among ourselves. This is the beauty of opinions, a point after point. The stand we try to make are neither right nor wrong because it is an opinion. The only time it’s judged is when we lay down morals and ethics at line. Not only that, it’s when this opinion is publicized and then social morality comes out. This is when people say whether you’re fucking nuts or a genius.
If everything is put into just words, there would only be war among brains and tongue. It’s an endless debate. What if tomorrow you die and all the stuff you want to say ends and left rotten? Haven’t we all noticed these scenario nowadays? Even among ourselves? With the growing change in economy, generation and relationships, we all have something to comment. We all have something we want to change.