Walking alone and thinking of stuff. Wondering whether somebody wonders the same as you. Thinking far away. Lightyears away. Hoping that someone can hear your thoughts right now. As comedic as it sounds, sometimes I put so much efforts in my thoughts. Cinematic phase of here and there. Switching in and out there in the horizon to someone I dont know, a silhouette of a person talking, continuing my imagination.
The city. The skyline. The people. They all move in coordination trying to achieve one thing. This very unreachable thing is a reason for one to fight for their existence. We all have individual needs, dreams and favors but they all strive to achieve harmony. Harmony among others, oneself and the world.
That kind of sound like a hero’s speech but harmony here is selfish. What you want will always have a contradiction among others. You battle these contrasts with hopes of approval. As long as “individuality” exists we can’t have synchronized opinions towards things. We will constantly debate among ourselves. This is the beauty of opinions, a point after point. The stand we try to make are neither right nor wrong because it is an opinion. The only time it’s judged is when we lay down morals and ethics at line. Not only that, it’s when this opinion is publicized and then social morality comes out. This is when people say whether you’re fucking nuts or a genius.
If everything is put into just words, there would only be war among brains and tongue. It’s an endless debate. What if tomorrow you die and all the stuff you want to say ends and left rotten? Haven’t we all noticed these scenario nowadays? Even among ourselves? With the growing change in economy, generation and relationships, we all have something to comment. We all have something we want to change.
Write what? Write something meaningful or out of the blue? In a random way or should it be precise and following a format? Im just all run out. I lack fieldwork I s’pose. :( The four corners of my room seals my brain to its dormant stage. My imagination is depleting. :(
Hihinga ka ng malalim pero yung bigat ng situasyon nandoon at nandoon pa din. Walang magbabago. Uulitin mo ng uulitin humihiling na sana kasama ng paghinga mo eh kasama na yung problemang dinadala mo. Kung ganoon lang kadali ang lahat sana nabawasan yung mga gabing nasayang na inisip-isip mo ang mga bagay na bukod sa walang kwenta daw eh kinakasira mo pa. Tinitiis mo kasi may parte sa sarili mo na inaangat yung kalungkutan mo. Lumulutang ka sa kawalan, Nawawala yung sense mo sa reality. Ito yung mga bagay na hinahanap-hanap ng damdamin mo. Tapos tatanong ka sa mga tao sa paligid mo, maghahanap ka ng best advice pero alam mo sa sarili mo kung ano dapat mo gawin. Pero kahit alam mo gawin, di mo naman alam kung tama. Kung alam mo naman tama, iisipin mo naman kung makakasakit ka. Kung iisipin mo naman na masakit, baka naman mali. Walang katapusang “algorithm”. Mundong nakaka-gago. Kaya minsan sarap na lang takasan, ilaan sa alak na ito lahat. Kahit panandalian man lang, maranasan yung pagkalimot.
Mukha nga lang tanga.Noong bata ako galit na galit ako sa papa ko dahil lagi ko na lang naririnig na “para makalimot” pag umiinom siya, tapos gagawin ko din pala. -_- Saklap.
Marijuana na lang.
Madali magdesisyon, mahirap lang gawin. Madali magsalita, mahirap lang malaman kung ano susunod na mangyari.
And some people do well to remember your mistakes. They always make it to the point you dont forget. It’s as if you were born to be a bookmark at that failure.
Well thank these people, they made you stronger.
It has been 5 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour and yet I havent had a decision. I feel like Im in a deathrow or something. I just cant stabilize this poison anymore. I have got to say it now or forever regret but what am I to say? How can I stitch the perfect words? Everything is closing in and Im still a coward for not facing this.
Always been the guy who waits patiently and leave it to the flow. Once I see the opening. Hotshot. Mark em’. Pawn it. But this is different. It requires control and nothing else.
It has been 5 weeks, 4 days, 2 hours and yet I cant take this damage yet.